I'm laying in your front yard are you home
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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