my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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