I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
