so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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