I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
