why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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