every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
