he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
