I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
