hotel room ftw
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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