I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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