Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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