so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
