There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
