My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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