got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
