it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
foreskin is a definite game changer
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
