just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
