I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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