god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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