are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
