I'm really into asian looking animals
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
