He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
