is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just want to make out with him forever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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