Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
