I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
