Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
