Sry I called you an 8
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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