I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
