I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you remember whose house we're in?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
