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After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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