I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
