The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
