Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
