you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
