So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
