I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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