Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
