i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
