We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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