please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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