He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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