I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
