nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
