Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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