from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
