Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
