not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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