this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
