So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
